The Focus SVT's Unfathomable Wiper Stalk

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The Focus SVT's Unfathomable Wiper Stalk
RCR Focus SVT Unscripted Thumb.png
Episode Details
Episode Link Watch
Season Post-LA
Air Date August 6, 2014
Transcript
/u/Hullian111

The Ford Focus SVT's wiper stalk is an unfathomable mess.

Transcript[edit]

[AUDIO FADE IN, MR. REGULAR, SALVATORE AND VINCENT, LIVE:]

[MR. REGULAR:] So, the wiper stalk.

[SAL:] If you want to…if you want to just like…I guess…I don’t know…

[MR. REGULAR:] Well, the single one, like anything else, is just down.

[SAL:] So, to activate the front wipers, to put it into intermittent mode, you just…you push it up once. Then it goes into intermittent mode, then you get six settings. Now, you would think that One is the slowest setting, but it’s not. One is the fastest setting!

[MR. REGULAR:] *laughing* That makes no sense, why would you want that?!

[SAL:] …and Six is the slowest setting!

[MR. REGULAR:] Why would you want that?

[SAL:] So that’s…that number One. So, if you want to go, to just, like, super-fast on, you click it up…you click it up once again for kinda-fast, and you click it up again for, like super-fast.

[MR. REGULAR:] Like, you shouldn’t be driving.

[SAL:] …and then, so there’s that. Now, there’s the rear wiper in the back.

[MR. REGULAR:] Yours pulls in, right?

[SAL:] And so to do that, you push forward to do the rear wiper to turn on, and then…

[MR. REGULAR:] Now, on every other car, when you pull your wiper in, that’s…your washers…

[SAL, LOUD:] (unintelligible) rear washers, but then, here’s the rear washers…the front washer is this. 

[MR. REGULAR, LOUD:] See, I thought that was the rear.

[VINCENT:] Here’s the thing, here’s the thing, if you pull it in just like this, the wiper goes.

*chatter*

[VINCENT:] But if you want it to spray as well, you have to hold it like that, and when you come back, it automatically starts wiping like that, then you’ve got to pop it back.

[SAL:] Yeah, then you’ve got to pop it back…

[MR. REGULAR:] That is so weird. It’s a European.

[SAL:] Yeah, then this down, and then more down…

*laughter*

[SAL:] I don’t know what more down does.

[VINCENT:] Even your steering wheel controls are unfathomable.

[MR. REGULAR:] There’s so many! Why?!

[VINCENT:] Dude, I don’t have…I don’t have anything on here except cruise control, and it’s just this…why do you need…radio controls through here with your left hand when you have a right hand?

[SAL, WHISPERED:] I don’t know.

[MR. REGULAR:] Yeah…I mean it’s all down there because this is too much for ya. That, I could do that, or I could go…

*chatter*

[SAL:] The way this works is volume…you pull…

[VINCENT:] But they all have the same action on them…

[SAL:] And that’s the seek function button, and then there’s like a relay button…

[VINCENT:] Oh come…

[MR. REGULAR:] Wow.

[SAL:] Yeah, it’s a…

[VINCENT:] Wanna open the door for that one?

[MR. REGULAR:] Yeah.

[VINCENT:] That is extremely…

References[edit]