|NOT A CAR Details|
|Season||The Early Years|
|Air Date||July 8, 2013|
This is not a car. The gs500 gets better mileage than any gasoline-electric car could dream of. I have to poop again.
The very first motorcycle review.
Today we're going to review a 1993 UGGGGGGGNNNN THIS ISN'T A CAR. [Intro Song: "Decision at Midnight" by The Toasters] UGN FIBER. UGN MORE FIBER. BAKED BEANS. UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGNNNOOOowhen the 1993 Suzuki GS500 came out, you could have it as a guy's model, OR A GIRL'S MODEL [SNIFF]. You have to understand that the GS500 was outdated even when it debuted in 1989. The engine is really just a punched-out version of the GS450, which goes all the way back to the mid-80's. It's engine is poncy, weak, and it's not even four valves per cylinder. Yeah it's dual overhead cam but oh no NO NO NO NO OH OHHHHHHHHHHHH. MMMMMMM. TIME TO WIPE.[Extended groaning.] [Disc grinder turns on.] The GS500 may or may not be still in production as of 2014. You can't find it on Suzuki's website, although go to any Suzuki dealership and you'll probably find one or two of these still for sale. I'M WATCHING YOU. NOT SUPPOSED TO RIDE YOUR FOUR-WHEELER ON THE ROAD. Let's be honest: it's only as fast as a Ninja 250. Oh, yeah yeah yeah, you'll beat the Ninja 250 up a hill, but if it comes to racing on the flats, that Ninja 250 will be neck-and-neck with you. But on the other hand, a GS500 engine never really breaks. It never TAKES A CRAP. UGN 83 DICKS BEGET 91 DICKS. UGN YOU ONLY GET A SINGLE DISK IN THE FRONT. WHO CARES? And most of the GS500s out there have gotten the "Bro Treatment". This one hasn't. What's the Bro Treatment? it's a Vance & Hines exhaust, or Two Brothers. Ugh. If you keep a stock exhaust on a GS500, it sounds nice. If you put anything else on it sounds like a lawn tractor. Nope, it DOESN'T sound like a Gixxer. Take the GS500 for what it is: it's a simple, cheap bike, its fun to ride around, and it doesn't use a whole lot of gas. Insurance is really cheap, too. If you do anything to it, replace the front fork brace. This is gonna stiffen up the front suspension. STIFF LIKE MY DICK. STIFFER THAN TOM OF FINLAND AT A WRESTLING MATCH. UGGN RECONDITION MY ASSHOLE WITH A TAP AND DIE SET. UNFFFFF. OOKIE COOKIE ALL OVER MY NES. You'll be making most of your power around 9,000 RPM. 10 and 11 thousand doesn't do much but waste gas and make a lot of noise. See, this bike is for saving gas, and making other people wonder what it is. A simple, hard-working, easy to work on, air-cooled engine is getting harder and harder to find these days. I think the only one out here that comes close is maybe the Honda's new CB1100... or is it CB1125? Or CB1200? That still has fuel injection and still requires a computer to run it. The GS500 has no computer. Is has no digital components at all. Maybe the most advanced thing in the bike is the signal generator. One speed down, five up. ONE DICK DOWN, FIVE UGGGGNN I SEE YOU EYEBALLIN' ME. UGN I CAN FIT A STEADYCAM UP MY URETHRA. UGN FLOSS MY ASSHOLE WITH COAXIAL CABLE. HERE WE GO. UP IN THE ATTIC. MEMORIES, MEMORIES. HERE'S MY OLD FANNY PACK. OPEN HOUSE.