Regular Car Reviews goes to Cars and Coffee

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Regular Car Reviews goes to Cars and Coffee
RCR Cars & Coffee 2015 Thumb.jpg
Episode Details
Episode Link Watch
Season This is my job now.
Air Date July 4, 2015
Transcript
/u/Hullian111

Porsches and Porsches and Porsches and one Corvette!

Transcript[edit]

[AUDIO FADE IN, MR. REGULAR:]
*Looking at Shelby Cobra*
It’s a real one, I assure you.

*Looking at a Ferrari blocking the middle of the car park*
Prilosec.

*Looking at a Porsche pulling out*
Cars and Coffee. *slowed down* CARS.

*Looking at a door-less modern Jeep*
(accented) It’s a Jeep thing, you wouldn’t understand!

*Looking at a grey Ferrari with the Pennsylvania vanity plate ‘CAVLINO’*
I always order off the menu.

*Looking at a black Porsche with the Delaware vanity plate ‘HMMM’*
(accented) I own a Porsche, I don’t let the little lady drive it!

*Looking at a Ford Focus with aftermarket wheels, then panning to a Porsche in comparison*
My Ford Focus has aftermarket wheels, I belong here.

*Looking at a yellow Tesla Roadster*
I have an electric car!

*Looking at a sign within the Tesla, entitled ‘Under The Skin’, with photos of the underside of said Tesla*
I bring a sign with me, so people know it’s an electric car!

*Looking at a 70s Porsche 911*
My Porsche is best Porsche because no radiator.

*Looking at a Ford Mustang GT pulling out, country music playing*
I carefully pick my music to leave Cars and Coffee! *laughter*

*Looking at a Ferrari 458*
I’m so money, I make whores sign a prenup.

*Looking at the show itself, rain is not visible*
Uh oh, it’s raining, time to protect my riii-

*Looking at a Mustang with blackened-out tail-lights*
I blackened out my tail-lights so they work less.

*Looking at one of the solitary Corvettes with blackened-out tail-lights, and the Pennsylvania vanity plate ‘WOH C5’*
No, I blackened out my tail-lights so they don’t work.

*Looking at the same Mustang with blackened-out head-lights*
I blackened out my head-lights so they don’t work.

*The Mustang revs*
Rah!

*Looking at an Acura*
Nice Civic.

*Looking at a small assortment of cars*
Cars and Coffee.

*Looking at a Morgan pulling in*
(French accent) Oh, moustache-waxeur!

*Porsche footage from beginning is replayed, sped up*
(sped up, then abruptly stops) Cars and Coffeeeeeeeeee-

*Looking at 370z and Subaru BRZ pulling up*
Future classic.

*Looking at BMW 3-Series*
Future classic.

*Looking at a Volvo S40 with a possibly-spare bonnet attached*
Academic probation.

*Looking at the other solitary Corvette*
Lamborghini.

*Looking at…radiator of the Corvette?*
Heat exchanger.

*Looking at passing BMW with vented bonnet.*
I cut holes in my- aw, dammit, messed that one up.
[TEXT: I cut holes in my hood so it leaks more.]

*Looking at yet another Porsche*
Nice Miata.

*Looking at Subaru BRZ*
I darkened my windows for blaze runs.

*Feeling a car seat*
SOFT AND SQUISHY.*

*Looking at a Kirkland Soft & Chewy granola bar*
SOFT AND CHEWY!

*Looking at a red backpack in the passenger compartment*
I bought a backpack…to match my stitching.

*Subaru BRZ revs*
Witness me, brothers!

*Looking at exhaust pipes*
Aftermarket pipes…

*Looking at engine*
…Stock engine.

*Looking at passing E32, sped up*
(sped up) Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer!

*Looking at cloudy skies, slowly emptying car park, rain still not visible*
Uh oh, rain, everybody leave!

*Looking silently at leaving BRZ and modified Fiat 500*

*Looking at Infiniti G37Xs*
Skyline.

*Looking at front of said car*
Manual transmission.

*Looking in interior of said car*
Manual transmission.

*Looking at steering wheel*
Manual transmission.

*Looking at Infiniti-badged clock*
(accented) Analogue.

*Looking at GMC truck with confused driver*
(accented) Guy in truck doesn’t know what’s going on.

*Porsche footage from beginning is replayed*
Cars and Coffee.

*Looking at clearly-marked turbo engine*
Supercharger.

*Looking at dipstick*
Oil off valve.

*Looking at Subaru Impreza, panning to front splitter*
Subarus go off-road. Not anymore.

*Looking at almost-empty car park*
Cars and Coffee.

*Looking at BMW, sans unlucky driver*
(accented) Someone showed up late!

References[edit]