Regular Car Reviews goes to Cars and Coffee
|Season||This is my job now.|
|Air Date||July 4, 2015|
Porsches and Porsches and Porsches and one Corvette!
[AUDIO FADE IN, MR. REGULAR:] *Looking at Shelby Cobra* It’s a real one, I assure you. *Looking at a Ferrari blocking the middle of the car park* Prilosec. *Looking at a Porsche pulling out* Cars and Coffee. *slowed down* CARS. *Looking at a door-less modern Jeep* (accented) It’s a Jeep thing, you wouldn’t understand! *Looking at a grey Ferrari with the Pennsylvania vanity plate ‘CAVLINO’* I always order off the menu. *Looking at a black Porsche with the Delaware vanity plate ‘HMMM’* (accented) I own a Porsche, I don’t let the little lady drive it! *Looking at a Ford Focus with aftermarket wheels, then panning to a Porsche in comparison* My Ford Focus has aftermarket wheels, I belong here. *Looking at a yellow Tesla Roadster* I have an electric car! *Looking at a sign within the Tesla, entitled ‘Under The Skin’, with photos of the underside of said Tesla* I bring a sign with me, so people know it’s an electric car! *Looking at a 70s Porsche 911* My Porsche is best Porsche because no radiator. *Looking at a Ford Mustang GT pulling out, country music playing* I carefully pick my music to leave Cars and Coffee! *laughter* *Looking at a Ferrari 458* I’m so money, I make whores sign a prenup. *Looking at the show itself, rain is not visible* Uh oh, it’s raining, time to protect my riii- *Looking at a Mustang with blackened-out tail-lights* I blackened out my tail-lights so they work less. *Looking at one of the solitary Corvettes with blackened-out tail-lights, and the Pennsylvania vanity plate ‘WOH C5’* No, I blackened out my tail-lights so they don’t work. *Looking at the same Mustang with blackened-out head-lights* I blackened out my head-lights so they don’t work. *The Mustang revs* Rah! *Looking at an Acura* Nice Civic. *Looking at a small assortment of cars* Cars and Coffee. *Looking at a Morgan pulling in* (French accent) Oh, moustache-waxeur! *Porsche footage from beginning is replayed, sped up* (sped up, then abruptly stops) Cars and Coffeeeeeeeeee- *Looking at 370z and Subaru BRZ pulling up* Future classic. *Looking at BMW 3-Series* Future classic. *Looking at a Volvo S40 with a possibly-spare bonnet attached* Academic probation. *Looking at the other solitary Corvette* Lamborghini. *Looking at…radiator of the Corvette?* Heat exchanger. *Looking at passing BMW with vented bonnet.* I cut holes in my- aw, dammit, messed that one up. [TEXT: I cut holes in my hood so it leaks more.] *Looking at yet another Porsche* Nice Miata. *Looking at Subaru BRZ* I darkened my windows for blaze runs. *Feeling a car seat* SOFT AND SQUISHY.* *Looking at a Kirkland Soft & Chewy granola bar* SOFT AND CHEWY! *Looking at a red backpack in the passenger compartment* I bought a backpack…to match my stitching. *Subaru BRZ revs* Witness me, brothers! *Looking at exhaust pipes* Aftermarket pipes… *Looking at engine* …Stock engine. *Looking at passing E32, sped up* (sped up) Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! Bimmer! *Looking at cloudy skies, slowly emptying car park, rain still not visible* Uh oh, rain, everybody leave! *Looking silently at leaving BRZ and modified Fiat 500* *Looking at Infiniti G37Xs* Skyline. *Looking at front of said car* Manual transmission. *Looking in interior of said car* Manual transmission. *Looking at steering wheel* Manual transmission. *Looking at Infiniti-badged clock* (accented) Analogue. *Looking at GMC truck with confused driver* (accented) Guy in truck doesn’t know what’s going on. *Porsche footage from beginning is replayed* Cars and Coffee. *Looking at clearly-marked turbo engine* Supercharger. *Looking at dipstick* Oil off valve. *Looking at Subaru Impreza, panning to front splitter* Subarus go off-road. Not anymore. *Looking at almost-empty car park* Cars and Coffee. *Looking at BMW, sans unlucky driver* (accented) Someone showed up late!