Harold Slovinski: 2004 Honda Civic Si
|Owner||Harold Slovinski (Tom Carbaugh)|
|Season||The Boulder Roadtrip|
|Air Date||December 15, 2014|
The Unites States never got the Civic Type-R. This is as close as we came. My name is Harold Slovinski. I'm on the road with this little number and, oh, erree, yea MY WIFE is at home with our buddy DAN. He's takein' good care of you don't you worry. I was in the hot tub with some gearheads and some breeews.
This review is a mixed bag to some - some like the different take on the usual Regular Car Reviews format, while some didn't, disliking the different humour and accent, and making it one of, if not the most disliked video on the channel. Therefore, this review was supplemented by a more 'regular' review, while this was reassigned to be a 'Harold Slovinsi review'. No full-video reviews featuring Harold have been uploaded since, despite the post-credits text.
[AUDIO FADE IN, MR REGULAR, AS HAROLD SLOVINSKI:] This is the car that kids like. This is the drug that kids like. *Mr Regular vapes* --- INTRO SONG, THE ROMAN His name’s Harold Slovinski, he drives his wife’s Accord, But now he’s got his own fresh set of wheels he can afford, --- MONOLOGUE by HAROLD SLOVINSKI Oh yeah, you know who this is, ah, this is your old buddy Harold Slovinski, and this is my new twenty- *sniff* 2004 Honda Civic Si! Things are looking up for old Harold Slovinski! I got a promotion down at the ‘Four G’s’, [TEXT: Goldberg, Goldberg, Goldberg & Goldberg] You know how we do, hahuheh hehaha- local dog! [TEXT: LOCAL DOG] I got this little sassy number to have fun on the road, giving the- giving the business! *laughter* [TEXT: Business] Giving it like I give it to my wife! Haha, monogamy! [TEXT: Monogamy] What you’re looking at here is a 2004 Honda Civic Si two-door sport hatchback. It has a 6,800 redline- I’m…I’m an enthusiast now! [TEXT: I’m an enthusiast now!] I’ve got the stick-shift- I mean, I still have the Honda Accord, but it’s still (unintelligible)- that’s just fine! But now I’ve got the stick-shi- I can fit in with you guys now! The stick-shift, um, see, mmm, hmm, the stick-shift, this car [TEXT: This car] Is not- it’s- it’s upped on this dash. I tell you what, this- this car knows the score: the speedometer goes up to 140 miles an hour! It’s got power mirrors because BUSINESS! it’s got Kenwood stereo: yeah, that’s classy business. It’s got hidden cupholders- that’s for discreet business. I bought this car- this is my new road-trip car - my wife’s at home right now. I have a lot of time on the road, and this is a little- its a light car for light BUSINESS. The wife’s at home right now, she’s…she’s spending some time at ho- don’t worry, she’s not all alone, she’s spending time with the mutual friend of ours, DAN ARNETTS! This is the seventh-generation Civic Si, yes, seventh generation, keeping it with the family! My wife is driving the Honda Accord primarily now- she can handle it, it’s a car…she can use it. Bah, anyway! [TEXT: ANYWAY] Let’s go and take a look at the engine here, wha-have a real car review! The engine is- oh the kids like this! This is the K20 A3, and that makes 160 horsepower! [TEXT: K20 A3 // 160 hp] You know, it’s not as punchy as the original VTEC, (unintelligible) i-VTEC, not the classic version, even though the method of variable valve operation, but with the i-VTEC, you get 20% more torque. It doesn’t have an LSD - and that stands for Limited Slip Differential – it doesn’t have one, but that’s just fine- that’s just fine! [TEXT: That’s just catchphrase!] But the Civic Si still goes pretty fast, and ye ge- DAN ARNETTS has a Honda too! We gotta hang out from time to time- I’ve gotta hang out with Dan Arnetts- he’s a solid guy, good friend of the family. Now back to my Si – I got aftermarket wheels, that’s how you know the car’s good. Got lots of room in the back for everything you need to keep a Civic Si safe going on road trips like I do a lot. It’s got independent suspension all around, that’s an important thing: that means the wheels can move on their own up and down. This is what the kids like to call ‘old-school’: it has a mechanical throttle – that means there’s a cable going from the accelerator pedal all the way to the throttle body. Oh, and no unintended acceleration here! *laughter* [TEXT, FLASHING: Timely joke!] I don’t know what this wire does, it was in the engine, you know, I don’t feel like messing with it. It’s tough being on the road, but I get to stay at the nice hotels and see local people- I’m kicking it, yeah, kicking it- South Bend, Indiana! [TEXT, A POSTCARD: Greetings, from… South Bend] Living it up at the shake & bake at the Steak’n Shake! I get to see my wife on the weekends now- you know, the guys, the ‘Four G’s’, they would send me out on the road a lot, that’s just fine- I get to drive this little number all around, I…I can’t tell you how much I’m enjoying my life, mmm, things are looking up, they’re looking so good- you know, we’ve got this fa- DAN ARNETTS! He’s a solid guy! Honda Civic Si…I did really good to stay in touch with the young people, I bought this car from a guy from French Indochina!* Okay, you’re young fellas, I’ve gotta get moving down that road of life, I’m talking about- I’ve got $40 allocated for me for dinner, and I’m gonna live it up with some people I met in the hot tub, we’re going to Golden Corral! --- OUTRO SONG by THE ROMAN My wife posted a gonewild, My marriage license is on file, I’mma do my civic duty when I’m coming for that booty, But I’m really only talking ‘bout that Si. It’s a lot nice than what I’d probably get, And it’s bitter than the size of Bill Cosby’s regret, It’s got me feeling as hot as David Koresh, It’s calling me in Spanish: Honda Civic, yes! This is a car that had to be done, Got a Honda Civic, who needs a son? Has a two-litre inline-four, 5-speed manual, 160 horse, Cold-air intake, not-stock wheels, College and nostalgia, top notch feels. [TEXT: Top notch feels.] It’s the perfect car for quickies in between classes, Whipping out the D and pleasing all them asses, Sure, it looks like a sausage that’s been cooked wrong, But she don’t complain about that $5 football, You want advice, what do I look like, Ann Landers? Just figure it out. Summer Sanders. --- [TEXT: Harold Slovinski will return…]
* The pre-independence, pre-war French colony now known as Vietnam, Cambodia, Laos, and small parts of mainland China.