2017 Ovis Aries
|NOT A CAR Details|
|Owner||The Johnson's Farm|
|Season||New Zealand 2018|
|Air Date||May 9th, 2017|
We review a sheep. Yep. How more New Zealand can you get?
This is the first - and likely only - 'review' of an animal, namely a sheep (hence the name Ovis Aries). Of course, in this 'review', the sheep is still referred to as a 'car', and the regular review format is almost still followed.
[AUDIO FADE IN, MR. REGULAR:] I’m told this is a 2017 Ovis Aries. Think that’s the model number. --- INTRO by SHEEP Baa! --- MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR The 2017 Ovis Aries is a 110-pound all-wheel-drive biofuel model, which peaks at 3 horsepower at 17 nasty-ass farts. *Darker sheep baas* The Ovis Aries fuel economy average is 2.5 to 3% gross vehicle weight per day in dry matter. Usually sold as fleet vehicles and package deals of three or more, the 2017 Ovis Aries... EHHHH! OH NO, MY BRAND! EHHHH! …features self-replenishing insulation, however, no regulator was ever installed. Insulation will grow until it impedes forward vision, and vehicles self-drive features will send itself off a cliff road by accident. On-board IFF software is locked from the factory. However, users have bypassed the maternal identification foster-mother or MIFM parameters by spreading molasses on the foster mother’s nose, and on newer models, wool. This hack allows auto-pairing of unrelated models to be enabled. Forward scanning from the Ovis Aries’ optical senses ranges from 270 degrees to 320 degrees, covering almost every visible area without articulating the saucer section. With slight articulation, this ruminant gains 360 degrees of vision without vehicle repositioning. An attempt was made to capture this feature, but the IFF program was still operating at level five. The demonstration vehicle attempted to shake off our diagnostic equipment… and look at it. There it goes. Unlike Teslas, no Ovis Arieses come with a summon feature – you gotta go get them. And with that, we close RCR NZ. We couldn’t have done it without Automation and all our fixers, thank you so much for watching this most ambitious version of Regular Car Reviews to date. So, we’re gonna take a week off, and then, the American reviews return. --- OUTRO SONG, ‘SHEEP MUSIC’ *Improvised music played on a cheap piano* ---