2017 Chevrolet Bolt EV
|Owner||Andy and Marco|
|Season||The Moist Summer|
|Air Date||September 11, 2017|
We drive and review Chevy's budget electric car: The Bolt.
Nice Sonic! --- INTRO SONG BY ROMAN Bolt, bolt, bolt, bo-bo-bo-bolt, bolt bo-bo-bo-bo-bolt! -- MONOLOGUE BY MR. REGULAR 2017 Chevrolet Bolt EV. Crap seats. Garbage dash. Masturbatory gear selector. Hard seats. I POOP. Cheap plastic-UHH UNSTOPPABLE- Crashy suspension-I POOP! MY ASS! IT CONTINUES! HNNNNNNNNNNGH ONE TWO THREE FOUR FIVE SIX SEVEN EIGHT NINE TEN TEN TEN TEN TEN I POOP I POOP I POOP AND THEN I brown. So this Bolt makes the equivalent of 200 horsepower and 266 pound-feet of torque on a 150 kilowatt electric motor. Now that's about the equivalent of a Fiesta ST with a tune on it, and a Chevrolet Bolt is about the size of a Ford Fiesta. It's got a 60 kilowatt-hour battery, which is the same as a high-end Tesla, which gives it an effective or claimed range of 238 miles, BULLSHIT! I'll be surprised if you crack 200 if you drive this thing normally. The Bolt also offers regeneteraviivivee braking, which means city driving is more efficient for battery life than highway driving since you're braking more often. On your standard 110 to 120 volt house current, the battery takes two days to recharge, although if you have 240 power and the appropriate adapter, it will charge in nine hours. So Andy, paid the extra $750 for the DC fast charge capability, which probably sounds expensive, but considering Andy got this car as part of a buyback deal with his old Volkswagen Golf TDI... turns out to be a pretty good deal.Hey. It was either this or a Nissan Leaf, and based on our experience I can't really blame Andy for making the choice he did. Okay, the Chevy Bolt is a $40,000 car. Ugh... And this interior... Shittiest interior I've ever been in! I'm talking Chevrolet Cavalier BAD! The seats feel like cafeteria chairs with all the bolstering of a church pew, and the dash plastic is harder and grayer than an IBM keyboard. And the gear shifter! All right look- -- POV OF MR. REGULAR EXPLAINING HOW A REAL SHIFTER WORKS This is an automatic shifter that makes sense. Look. Park. Drive. Overdrive. Drive. Low. You could have any type of mnnnhhgh Hngh. Look. And this thing, they were able to make normal stuff. This has a physical connection to the transmission.If you have an electric car you don't have to have a physical tra- Look at all the stuff coming out this. You don't have to have a physical connection to the transmission, so you could have it be anything you want. So if it could be anything you want, why not have it be simple that people can understand? But instead you had to make something more complicated than a complicated original shifter. Do you hear me?! -- But no.. you had to make it complicated. Hold down the missile button and move it up and to the left to reverse. But not right and down to drive, just back! But Park is a different button and it doesn't work like the side missile button... You made it complicated GM, because complicated means fancy. The handling pushes nothing but understeer, uh- which is fine. It's an economy car. And the acceleration is good. It's good. Not Tesla good. I mean zero to 60 in 6.5 seconds on a full charge and zero to 60 in 6.7 seconds on a 60 percent charge. That's good! And it could probably reach top speeds well over 100 miles an hour if the engine wasn't electronically governed so they can't go faster than 93. Governor kicks in at 93 miles an hour. I mean, I can sorta see why you might not want to indulge the sort of guy who would really want to push an economy car up to speeds past 100 miles an hour. It probably has something to do with the electric motors. I'll bet they could spin faster. But giving that there's no gearing, you know it's one to one, the car will only run as fast as these engines will turn. Er, I'm sorry, the motors will turn. But 93 miles an hour seems like such an arbitrary number. Why not 90 or, or 95? *fart* But what's crazy is that even in its upper register, the motor is still quieter than the kid blowing on a pinwheel. Sort of like a Michael Bolton b-side, but under 15 miles an hour, this little speaker turns on in the front bumper that goes like this: -- BOLT IN A PARKING LOT: heeeeeeeeeee -- It's -- it's it's a white noise machine in the front bumper. It makes a noise similar to air conditioning fans. The idea is this is supposed to alert people to not crash into you. But when Roman was driving it, he almost hit a squirrel so that didn't hear. Although I did hear this car coming on one of the drive-by -- you know -- shots that we do. So, it works, but car guys want the ability to turn stuff off. They're like PC users. "No, I don't like that weird noise, just turn it off. I'll deal with the repercussions. And it doesn't help that the tone that that white noise generator makes isn't particularly distinctive either. It sounds a bit like an old dial-up modem from the "jerking off to music videos on RealPlayer" era. "Get off the phone mom, I'm trying to get on Prodigy!" But when the white noise machine is turned off, this car is quieter than a church after somebody objects to a wedding. At 3,580 pounds this car is heavy, but quiet, like a BBW with low self-esteem. It's heavy, but quiet, like a powerlifter on a blind date. It's heavy, but quiet, like The Passion of Joan of Arc It's heavy, but quiet, like the constant dependable love of your LEFT HAND. It still has a standard 12 volt lead acid battery to run accessories and get the car going before it "gets going", but ugh, the interior! Ugh! At first glance it looks nice, but on closer inspection, you can see it's all cheap, plastic components, like they spent so much money on the engine, that they didn't have the budget for anything more than Walmart seat backings. I mean you pull up the carpet, and there's a lot of seam sealer too. I mean that's good, but it's just kind of *phbbt* on everywhere. Adding to the cheap feel of this car. And yes, it's a low blow coming from a guy who drove a car called "Silicone Sally", but my point stands. Okay one thing that does really, really well, is a little paddle. On the left hand side of the steering wheel. What that does is it kicks on your regenerative braking, anytime you want it. It has nothing to do with your brake pedal. You can if you want, come to a stop every single time without ever touching the brake. If you time it right, and pull that little lever in. And it doesn't matter what mode the car is in: regular drive, sport, sport low -- anyway, it will bring the car to a dead stop without using the brakes, and that's fun. I could dig that. And I know I don't think I'd ever get a 200 mile range out of this car. Because it is fun to accelerate. Again, not Tesla fast, but fast. Fun. And you can make the front tires squeal. --- POV OF MR. REGULAR TAKING THE BOLT THROUGH A CORNER MR. REGULAR: The second we can get around this --uh, hello, Toyota. That's how I used the regular brakes there. *tire squeal* MR. REGULAR: Whoa! Sorry, I hit the- I hit the accelerator mid corner, and it just- and it just broke the tires loose. -- And it does surprise you. Even as electric cars gain in widespread acceptance, some people are just never going to warm to electrics. I think one of the reasons is that for some people accepting electric cars is passively approving the plan to phase out internal combustion engines. More than a Tesla or a BMW i3 or any other electric car on the market, the Bolt reads like a thesis statement on the decline of the internal combustion engine. Because when your regular cars start getting electrified, when you start getting electrics that are this accessible, this affordable, this thoughtlessly fun, that's when you really start to wonder, do all those clickbait thinkpieces about the death of the internal combustion engine have a point? It's been predicted by financial analysts that the total cost of ownership for an electric car, will be on par with the cost of a gasoline-powered car, before 2020, while electric vehicles could account for as much as 14 percent of worldwide car sales by 2025. That's kind of insane when you consider that globally, electric cars really only account for about 1% of all sales in 2017. But it makes sense that affordability would be a motivating reason for people to hop on the electric car bandwagon. Not only are the cars themselves getting cheaper -- AND THEIR INTERIORS -- But their components --INTERIORS -- as well. With batteries gradually falling in cost in addition to the price per kilowatt hour plummeting from over $1,000 in 2010, to just under $200 today. That's without even getting to countries who've pledged to go electric. Of course, a pledge doesn't mean anything. It's like an initiative, which George Carlin said "an initiative is an idea that isn't going anywhere"; so I don't put any stock in Britain saying they're gonna guarantee all new cars to be zero emission by 2050. I don't think that's happening. In fact I don't... I think we'll be still making internal combustion engines 100 years from now. Because it's not really the viability of the car that's in question, it's the viability of the infrastructure. And that's one serious problem with the Chevy Bolt. It can't use Tesla's fast charging stations. It has to use... There is no, there is no infrastructure to support this car. You get a Chevy Bolt, you're taking a compass to your map, and drawing a hundred mile radius around your house. That's all the farther you're gonna go if you don't want to have to deal with range anxiety. A Tesla can go coast-to-coast. There is enough Tesla fast charging stations for those cars to work. But we're in an early era now with electric cars in the same way we were with computers in 1991. Nowadays everything that plugs into a computer is a USB, Universal Serial Bus. But back in the early 90s you had all sorts of different ports and you got a digital camera? There was no guarantee there would be the right port on the computer. Is it a PS2? Is it a serial? Does it plug into that game port that's on your sound card? Your Sound Blaster card? We don't know. All different electric cars right now have different kind of a charge -- have different kind of charging ports. We need a universal charging port for cars, and that's one thing that Tesla's doing. The long term goal of Tesla is to be more of a power supplier than it is an automotive company. Plus in rural places like Pennsylvania --There were no charging points down near Philadelphia and in Kutztown, Pennsylvania where we filmed this. But back to the Bolt itself. If you convince yourself you're driving a Chevy Sonic, then it's fine. If you ignore the cost you spent, and if you get all the deals you can, if you can find a way to knock down with the government incentives and maybe a work incentive and other tax breaks --if you can get the cost of this from $40,000 to under 30 in your mind, you won't be upset with the interior. "But if you pay sticker for this, you're gonna hate this interior. Just a pair of, Recaros or Sparcos would make this interior so much better. I mean, screw the guys in the back, keep the crappy seats in the back. You kind of expect that. But if you spent $2,000 on better seats, I think people will be willing to pay $42,000 ,over $40,000, if the front seats were better. Ughey. There's another problem with electric vehicles as well. Garages. What are you gonna do, have this thing on the street? What are you gonna do? Drag an extension cord out your window, have it go across the sidewalk and into your car? Yeah, I guess? But what about knuckleheads in your neighborhood? Yeah, plugging your car overnight and have this thing dangling out your window. Then along come two lowbrow knuckle-draggers with a very low class rank, and they see your electric car and your extension cable. And of course they're out late at night because their parents are pieces of shit too - and they just yank the charging cable out of your car. *knuckledragger voice* Ha ha, faggot! Now you go out to your car, and there's no charge in the morning. So that's the big cost of electric cars. It's limited to homeowners. Homeowners with garages. So yeah, I get the pushback against electric cars not only from a jobs perspective, but an enjoyability standpoint as well. It's just not the same, but not the same doesn't automatically mean bad. There is a place for electric cars. Perhaps in the future there will only be a place for electric cars. But the growing popularity of electric vehicles means manufacturers will have to get more creative with the design, with the engineering, with the functions these vehicles perform, and the methods by which these cars perform them. But for as exciting as that has the potential to be, automotive enthusiasts are going to want more from these electrics. Especially if they're old enough to remember how things used to be. I don't know what the future holds, but hopefully the compromise is in there somewhere. --- OUTRO SONG by THE ROMAN Chevy Bolt EV's an electric car. Don't fret on the range, it'll get you far. And the cost is low, comparing to a Tesla, but it costs more than a Nissan Leaf. </blockquote>