2013 Shelby GT500
|Season||All Bets Are Off.|
|Air Date||July 25, 2016|
The Ford Mustang Shelby GT500 is a review of excess. This car doesn't need to exist. No one needs it. It is reDUNKulous fast.
What does a GT500 and Carroll Shelby in his later years have in common? (beat) Limp Mode. --- INTRO by THE ROMAN: Yes I'm serious, and don't call me Shelby. --- MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR The Shelby Mustang is one of those oddities that's hard to really wrap your head around. Six hundred and sixty-two horsepower. A top speed of over two... hundred... miles per hour. It goes zero to sixty in three-point-five seconds. When you get into the question of “need”... Well, no, no one really needs a 5.8-liter 32-valve V8 supercharged engine. Nobody needs the ability to go a good hundred and fifty miles per hour above any reasonable speed limit. But Americans have a lot of excessive things we enjoy but we don't really need. 2013 Shelby Mustang GT500. The AR-15 of cars AAAHAHAHAHAHA OH YEAAAH FLAME WAR See, this is the art of trolling. The art of trolling is to get people to fight with each other. Not you. Ungh, here we go. Time to dig up Shelby's corpse, hook up a jump pack to his funsize Slim Jim and RIDE IT. ONE. MORE. TIME. By 2013 the name “Shelby” was outsourced more than customer support. Even Lingenfelter looked at Shelby and thought, “You whore.” Ferrari wishes it could sell snap-back baseball caps like Shelby could. Shelby is passed on now and his estate is just cumming on C-notes and wadding them up into balls and having sticky snowball fights in hot July air. Ungh, Shelby! Shelby! Shelby! Ungh! Ungh! Money. Money. Money. MONEY! UNGH! ...Money. The owner of this GT500 traded in his Corvette Z06 for it. Which is weird because most people start with Ford and then go to GM when they find out what LS motors can do. But David went the other way. His C6 Z06 had a seven liter LS7 making 550 horsepower. The 2013 Ford Mustang Shelby GT500 used a 5.8-liter not Coyote motor, technically it's not, this is a Trinity motor. That's an aluminum block, double cam V8 that is based on the what? THE MODULAR. But if you want to have an early-2000s flame war, the almighty Coyote motor that we're all bowing to also traces its roots to that Modular. Mmmh. But what am I or David complaining for? This makes more horsepower than a Z06 Corvette. So suck it, LS! Also. The GT500 dodges the Gas Guzzler Tax by having both gears five and six act as progressive overdrives. I think fourth gear is one-to-one and five and six are overdrives. And that also means Ford doesn't have to use that weird skip shift that GM used. Okay, the rear gearing is only three-thirty-one on the eight-eight rear with TrueTrac. Ford calls their limited-slip differentials TrueTrac even though you'll probably hear people at car shows refer to them as Pozzies – Posi has become a Xerox name, a brand name that everybody refers to limited-slip differentials on live rear axles. And even some people will even start calling them that on Subarus, it-it's Xerox. General Motors had the name Positraction for their limited-slip differentials and for whatever reason that name stuck. So you're supposed to call Ford limited-slip differentials Ford TrueTrac but the less amount of syllables always wins out so Positraction was shortened to Posi. It's got a Posi rear end. Anyway. The three-thirty-one gearing. That's not very aggressive. And when you shift into five or six? This doesn't feel like a Shelby. It gets all rental car-y and luggy. Yeah it'll accelerate, but it does- it feels like it has like two hundred horsepower. That's- nah, less than that, feels like it has one-fifty or it's completely dogged. It's- those two gears are for the highway. I suppose if you change the rear gearing to three-five-fives or three-seven-threes it'll make the car lively as hell. And you can if you want to. That's the beauty, we're making a huge deal about the GT350 and the independent rear suspension and it's good that it has it, but the GT500 is the last hurrah of the eight-eight. Ford eight-eight rear was brilliant – heck, even the Vagabond Falcon uses one. It's a great little rear end, you can build them up to a thousand horsepower if you want. Everybody with Fords always wants to go to nine-inch. Nine-inch, nine-inch, nine-inch, gonna drag race on the nine-inch. The eight-eight is fine. Bruce Henn loves the eight-eight because the parts are so cheap and they're available everywhere. Summit Racing. Take your pick, there's like eight manufacturers that make rear gearing for eight-eights. But. In first, second and third, this car is a beast. >Viewpoint: in the Fit, forwards, following the GT500 “Do it.” Caption: I am redlining my Honda Fit in every gear trying to keep up. This is like Sloppy Mechanic fast. Dig this comparison: The GT500 accelerates like an Ariel Atom. It accelerates faster in second gear than it does in first. That massive amount of torque pulls you through the air. I suppose it's gonna get weird because this is not an aerodynamic shape by any measure. And the engine does get hot. I wasn't kidding about that Limp Mode. You take this thing to a track, this thing gets hot, *snap*, even though it's a production car they were having heat issues. I perfectly understand that, the Vagabond Falcon still has a bit of it itself just trying to get the heat out of the engine bay. And the GT500 has breather vents in the hood specifically for that reason. Driving around you're fine, idling you're fine, but racetrack? Mmm, they knew what they were doing when they programmed this computer. The Shelby Mustang GT500 is an ode to mythic American muscle. An attempt to out-Sixties the 1960s and the ridiculous boastful reputation 60s cars gladly accept on Barrett-Jackson's auction blocks. You can imagine Ford's SVT division being staffed with War Boys who just want Immortan Carroll Shelby to witness them. But they can never have that experience because Shelby is gone, sadly. They can only aspire to what they think he would've wanted. They can only imagine the kind of conversation they might have with him, had they been lucky enough to meet him before the end. It's the opposite of what happened when we met James Rolfe at Too Many Games convention, name drop~ You'd think a guy named the Angry Video Game Nerd would be difficult to approach. But nope! He held court like a king while grown men scrambled for audience. “Hello” became a prayer sent to a God who could answer back. And even when we were stuck behind him and he was caught in conversation with another fawning fan, you knew he was making eye contact. That's royalty that meets you at eye level. Anyway. When you first meet a Shelby Mustang, it's hard not to have the same kind of glowing reaction. When I first caught glimpse of this thing I went, “That is a real Shelby GT500 and I'm about to touch it. I'm about to drive this. Is it really here?” I fully understood what it was like to be that one dude in every Jason Bourne movie who can't believe it's Jason Bourne. SVT Chief Engineer Jamil Ham- Hameeni- oh boy... H-A-M-E-E-D-I - pretty much sums up the 2003 (sic) Shelby GT500 in fifteen words when he said that it “started with an engine and then bled over to touch every other part of the car” which is BULLSHIT because the interior is the same as the V6 Mustang rrrrental car that I drove two years ago. Plastic, plastic, plastic, black and plastic. Oh and another thing. One thing you don't see in here? A big MyFord Touch touchscreen. But... it still has satellite navigation built into it. How? See that little display screen right there? That will give you navigation. It will give you a very rudimentary, turn-by-turn navigation system, it's like this dot matrix display. They put it in there just so- I think it still has to sync with your phone? The owner said, “I used it once, it was dumb and I went back to Waze.” And you're not really- you don't buy a GT500 for its amenities. You buy it for its twin fuel pumps. Fuel injectors the size of Jolly Green Giant's engorged dick. A clutch that's as large as Catholic guilt. And a Tremec 666-speed with an internal oil pump because MODERATION IS FOR PUSSIES. Of course. Of course when you have excess to this degree, irresponsibility tends to go with it which is partially why this gets wrapped up with the bad rap that the regular Mustang gets and all the smashy-smashy fun time outside of Cars and Coffee. SUNG by MR REGULAR to the tune of “Battle Hymn of the Republic”: I have seen the dawning of the glory of The Bro He is exiting the Car Show with his other Bros in-tow He is losing all the traction from his terrible 5-0 He's heading traffic on! I can appreciate the great acceleration. I can appreciate the Track setting and all its thrills. But that doesn't mean I want to go out like Paul Walker. I feel like everyone has had that one friend who drives a little bit too fast. So you ask them to please, slow down. And they agree but they act so put upon. And they make it seem like they're only doing it because you begged. And it becomes some limitation on what they really want to do. Look, it's hardly exclusive to loud muscle cars. And they're not even driving a fast car. Like, “Can- can you just slow down?” “Well this car doesn't go fast anyway. This- it doesn't even go over a hundred.” “Okay, but- can you pretend it can and slow down anyway?” The Shelby GT500 is a car that breaks your immersion in cars. You're reminded you're driving a car that, by all the laws of God and man, should not be able to do some of the things it does. You can't get lost in the experience because the car keeps pulling you out of it. It's the Wilhelm Scream of cars. Maybe it's hyperbolic, but this is basically four wheels of hyperbole as it is. And you know what? There's nothing else in the world quite like the last solid axle GT500. >Center console is opened with its springyness. Then it is closed. OUTRO sung by THE ROMAN: Hey there Shelby Mustang, take it slow Because I'm an impresario Three-point-five seconds can get me hard Oh God, is that a Charizard?