2005 Subaru Outback
|Air Date||November 10, 2013|
|Credits||the stig farmer|
In 2005, cars begin to mimic the disgruntled national emotion toward an unending war and an uncertain economy. 2005 saw "angry headlights" getting a percent foothold in car design. RAAAAGH! I'm angry and I'm taking to the roads and telling the world about it! I CAN ONLY EXPRESS MYSELF WITH MY CAR!
The first episode of the new season, this is the first episode to feature a intro song sung by The Roman. Outro music is introduced by the next season.
"2005 Subaru Outback. So what was going on in 2005? Well, Bush was re-elected, it was the height of bling culture, and Ben Folds needed an orchestra. --- INTRO SONG by THE ROMAN Walking sucks so why not choose Regular Car Reviews? --- MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR Subaru at this point in its history had become a consistent WRC competitive winner, thus every car needed to reflect this. Every car they made had to reflect their rallying culture and this included the Outback; and the 4th-gen Outback was trying to outrun the flannel shirt sorority with a very veiny hood and fender flares. Since 1998 the engine had changed in the following meaningless ways: Number 1... uh a turbo was added for the XT trim level and that made 250hp; you could have a 3.0-litre naturally aspirated engine which made 243hp; you could have a 2.5-litre single overhead cam Donkey Show, and you had the option of connecting the engines to the wheels with some L and R buttons on the auto tranny. Just like the jail themed Chicago tour buses erk long time citizens of The Loop, the calmer Outback owners don't much care for swap-meet activists in Boulder, Colowado (sic) who feel their Subies should be extensions of everything they stand for. And if you hold these professional dog walkers' feet to the fire the only consistent cause they champion is never changing spark plugs because "only dealers can get to them". But whether you like them or not, they are the radical outliers who will demand that their Outback be seated at the same table with the original Beetle, Volvo 240, and the Eurovan. These wagon mafiosos are united in their belief that Subaru stands united with THEM, defiantly refusing to do battle with traditional engine configurations. Plus, talking about the Outback holistically without mentioning its cultish supporters is impossible. For my money these fascist Subie Stormtroopers provide the only pool of legitimate turnkey used cars. They meticulously maintain them. But the reliability of Subarus is a hoax; they possess no more mechanical advantages over the Evo rivals or any other transverse four cylinder street car. A Subaru forum member told me that Subaru's reliability myth is furiously championed, not by the company, but by a rigorous brigade of boxed loyalists who contradict, intimidate, and shout down with a cacophony of posts any ill-will directed at their cherished machines. MMM, HEAR WE GO AGAIN. Angry headlights. These things started around the mid-2000s, as did projector lights. The combined artistic and functional technology created a necessary cutout in the bumper to make the headlight work, and that in turn resulted in car eyes that were upset and... baggy. They had - they had bags un 'em, look. They were tired AND angry. Cars were reflecting the disgruntled natural putrescence toward the homeland and a widening wealth gap. We were just so tired of that damn war that just won't stop and we're angry at this economy that won't get better. ""When will it end?"". And if you look at it, art starts to mimic reality. The cars were starting to mimic reality. The cars were tired and angry in 2005. We were creating an outward reflection of our inner emotions through our vehicles. [TEXT: On a lighter note,] Ooh boy, no-one does base models quite like Subaru. You get the WRX, you get the STI, and everything else just *nahhh*. Put the hammer down in, uh, just a base model Subaru and it's just POUNDING and POUNDING and POUNDING and POUNDING and POUNDING. The engine doesn't like it. It's like... it's like the third jerk. It's like... when you get your dick in your hand and you're going for a hat-trick."