2004 Acura RSX
|Season||The Southern Stab|
|Air Date||September 14, 2015|
It's not a Civic, except when it is, which isn't often (but sometimes).
Wow, Integra really let itself go. --- INTRO SONG by THE ROMAN (to the tune of 'I Can't Feel My Face', The Weekend) I told her this isn't a Honda, I told her this is Acura, Let me drive a Nissan S13, I don't even want an Integra, ah ah ah! --- MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR: The Acura RSX is what you get when your parents wont let you get a Nissan S13. "Oh no, no no nononononononono NO NO NO NO. You're not driving a car without an airbag. How about an nice Honda Civic, you can be cool in that." Honda Civic, the low ball offer of all family car negotiations. So you bargain your way up to a RSX by arguing that it is a Honda Civic, but better made, because its an Acura. The car does have airbags and that's all parents care about. So off you drive to college using doublethink so you can hold two contradictory thoughts in your head at the same time and believe both of them.The Acura RSX is a Civic. The Acura RSX is not a Civic. The 2004 RSX is a derivative car, although that doesn't have to be a bad thing. Introduced in North America in 2002, the RSX was basically a re-branded version of the JDM DC5 Honda Integra. RSX stands for Rally Sport eXperimental if you're from uh is UGHH THE X IS 1999 AGAIN. It's a surprisingly effective car in it's own right, mostly because it was less an Integra and more of a stealth take on the 7th Gen CIvic coupe. Of which every RSX owner will bury their head half in a bowl of cold Beefaroni and say "This is not a Civic." (grunting) Sporting a 2-liter inline-4 with 16 valves and dual overhead cams. This car gets 24 miles per gallon city and 30 miles per gallon highway. Although subtle on appearance, it gets a lot out of its front wheel drive and 5 speed manual transmission reaching 141 ft-lbs of torque at 4000 RPM and a respectable 160 horsepower at 6500 RPM. And yet its easy to imagine that a lot of consumers might take issue how derivative the car is and how much it owes to the DC5's and Civics that came out before it. In short, the Acura RSX is going to the concert for your favorite band and having to sit through new material. Its going, it's like going to see Smashing Pumpkins and getting nothing but Zwan. Sure, some people like Zwan but Zwan isn't what sells. The RSX is only available as a 2 door coupe because 2 DOOR COUPES ARE FASTER. It's got easy, straightforward, hassle-free controls and an interior that's perfectly handsome but unspectacular. It's not number 1 and it's not MVP because it doesn't try to be. It's just functional. It's just a reliable ride, that looks fast. The RSX is the Second-Aid Kit of cars. The RSX is the official car of the man who never met a silence he didn't try to fill. He's gotta keep talking, gotta keep talking because he just cant shake the feeling that people he cant stand are standing right behind him waiting for a lull in the conversation to break in with a terrible story of him in college. And yet, despite the reputation proceeded on reliability, the RSX has been prone to recalls and transmission issuers. Namely there's a grinding issue with the gears on the manual transmissions, Yes, this is the car that literally GRINDS MY GEARS. But you know what, people ignore that of thing because this is part of the college freshman starter pack for the open road. It's fun to drive and more than that, it's an affordable car for a larger demographic. This is without even getting to the wide availability for aftermarket parts. It's a car that can last you a long ass time if your vigilant enough to take good care of it. But let's talk more about this particular model. The owner, Adam, gets nagged constantly by dudebros for not tuning. For NOT tuning the car, which is I suppose is indicative of the type of expectations that the RSX carries. People not only want you to screw around with it, they expect you to and they give you a hard time when you don't. The most extreme alteration to this car wasn't even Adam's fault. He got a fender hit, eh fender bender and ended up costing one thousand four hundred dollars to fix. But that was it for modifications. But why should you even really need to modify a car that's generally fun. Just because you can go to town with a Vise-Grip and a chub pack of zip ties doesn't mean you should. Realistically, everything you could want out of an RSX comes standard. It's got the K20 engine, a manual gearbox and a kinda long hood and a stubby short back. I'm not insulting the car when I say it's a car that does it's job and nothing else. The RSX is a car that's punching the clock, reporting for duty and it does it's own thing in spite of what people expect from it. It's the automotive version of that time that Bill Burr ripped Philly a new asshole. Of course, all this talk ignores how smoothly the RSX drives. On one hand, the clutch catches way down low. Yeah, way down low to the floor which might throw some drivers off guard. And also you need to do the Honda BRO lean to comfortably sir in the drivers seat. but once you're on the road, you'll find that this is a large size version of, get this, the CRX. The spirit of the CRX is still here in the RSX. And it's got the K20 so it's a daily car that's kinda cheaply built but you can rev the pants off of it and it doesn't care. --- POV DRIVE: Mr Regular: So I'll go on Manatee and roll with the other homes. Nice. Oh that's smooth. Adam: Yeah. --- It's the closest thing that Honda ever made to the Cavalier Z24. Remember that thing? Sure it's not an Acura. Right? Only in America is this an Acura because let's call it an Acura and charge a bit more for it. (FANCY TONE) Oh, premium. It's a Honda with it's graceless adequacy. But there's something to be said about how the RSX gets the most of the K20 engine with it's usable power and it's prostate massaging rumble. This car is the happiness that comes after relief. It's rushing to finish your essay before time is up and you turn it in at the end of class and that feeling of calmness because, it's out of your hands now. You did all you could. It's out of your hands. You can just enjoy the rest of your day and not have to think about things. --- OUTRO SONG by THE ROMAN: And now I can see myself an RSX, or a Honda, or a Honda. And I can see myself an RSX, or a Honda, or a Honda. --- POST-CREDITS, LIVE, MR. REGULAR, ON RADIO: Mr. Regular: Okay, it looks like that Volvo is gonna come between us. That's just fine because the park *Walkie Talkie Beep* is coming up here anyways. We'll just turn in. Don't worry about the Volvo. *Walkie Talkie Beep* Roman?: Alright.