2003 Toyota Tacoma

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2003 Toyota Tacoma
RCR Toyota Tacoma Thumb.png
Car Details
Make Toyota
Model Tacoma
Year 2003
Episode Details
Episode Link Watch
Season The Early Years
Air Date August 12, 2013
Transcript
Credits /u/wesellspatulas

If a Tacoma is such a good truck, why don't contractors use them more? Granted, construction companies may want to drive domestic vehicles to display a patriotic image, but there are sounder reasons. For instance. That tin of Digestives is looking at me. It watched me poop. IT IS THE POOP. It is watching ITSELF! It is watching the circle of life. It is watching the circle of WIFE. My WIFEAU! No! no! I love America! It's a British cookie. What is a biscuit? I have ENGLAND in me. Get it out. I pout. I drink stout?! No. No Coores Light!

Transcript[edit]

OPENING NARRATION by MR. REGULAR

A Toyota Tacoma from the early 2000s is for hobbyists, boat owners and electricians. See, a contractor would never own a Tacoma, but - not for the reasons you might think.

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INTRO SONG: "Don't Step on the Grass, Sam" by Steppenwolf

All will pay that disagree with me
Please give up, you already lost the f~

---

MONOLOGUE by MR. REGULAR.

When I was 12, I put water balloons under my shirt just to see what I would LOOK LIKE.

Tacomas will never get onto construction sites because they aren't fleet vehicles. No, they aren't. They sort of look like F-150s or Chevy S-10s, but they're closer to passenger cars than real utility vehicles.

You can put your golf bags in the back, and go for a round of 18 holes, 18 poles, 18 GOALS.

Oh, oh, oh! I hear you, I hear you! It does have a ladder chassis, and a tailgate, and you can sleep in it - FART FAN, COPY TAN, HBLBERGBLB - but, this isn't the type of truck that Americans are going to use to schlep ceiling joists around. Well, okay, I'll give you this: the Tacoma is more truck than a wrinky-dink Ranger or an S-10, it's not as large and as disposable as an F-150 or 250; on the other hand, it's not a show truck, like a Dodge Ram. It's too expensive to be a gardener's truck, and too small to do legitimate work.

(sing-along) HOOOOOOOOOOOOO- DICKS AND TITTIES AND DICKS AND TITTIES AND DICKS AND TITTIES AND DICKS AND TITTIES AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND-JERRY ORBACH-DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DICKS AND DIXON DIXON DIXON DIXON

This one here has a TRD package, which prices it further out of the pockets of general contractors. STOP. LOOKING AT. ME. When you're cleaning out an abandoned property - CIRCLE THE WAGONS AND DROP YOUR DRAWERS - you're not in the market for locking diffs, alloy wheels, bespoke trim, and - as far as trucks are concerned, a revvy 3.4-litre V6 making 190 horsepower and 220 pound-feet of torque. DAZZLE MY BALLSACK AND RE-ELECT THE PRESIDENT! Plus, a manual box is the last thing you want for driving in city traffic with a bed full of sheet rock, a Dunkin' Donuts cup in one hand, and your phone in the other, 'cause you're trying to find out, "Where the hell did Miguel disappear to with that invoice?"

I have INDIGESTION, and there's PINE CONES COMING OUT OF MY ASSHOLE! (whisper) Game's in here! STOP LOOKING AT ME!

(in corn field, with repeated chant of "BALLSACKS, BALLSACKS, BALLSACKS, BALLSACKS, BALLSACKS, BALLSACKS, BALLSACKS, BALLSACKS, THREE BALLSACKS AND BALLSACKS AND BALLSACKS AND BALLSACKS AND BALLSACKS" in background)
Oh yeah, keep running. Keep running in that CORN FIELD. Where is the way out? Where is the way out? Ooh, no, not that way!

References[edit]