2002 Toyota Rav 4
|Season||The Early Years|
|Air Date||June 17, 2013|
A "Family-First" Sport Utility vehicle that understands Catholic Values. Put your shoulder to your wagon and change your oil. I take a chainsaw to Church. I take an Ax to Mass. Count your blessings. Count your Amyl Poppers.
OPENING NARRATION by MR. REGULAR Hail Mary full of grace, blessed art thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy WOMB! --- INTRO SONG: "Rump Shaker" by Wrecks-N-Effect I'm feelin' manly and your shaker's comin' in handy Slide em across from New York down by your Virginia Tickin' you around Delaware be~ --- MONOLOGUE by MR. REGULAR (in the manner of a preacher) How long has it been since your last confession? How long has it been since you CHANGED YOUR OIL? I don't give a shit, and neither does my RAV4! The RAV4, in the early 2000s, wasn't trying to suck your DICK! It was a SMALL SUV that wasn't trying to reassure YOU that you're still a MAN! God judges YOU by your actions, not your clothes or those camo pants you wear to mass! Would it KILL you to put it together with some khakis and a polo shirt - TUCKED IN, AT LEAST? I'M not even asking you to wear a BELT! Just a proper pair of pants that lacks magazine pouches and a hammer loop! Pretending you're living in DayZ won't make your RAV4 into a MAN'S CAR! My child, you come here for the WORD? The word is, the RAV4 is for Lot's daughters and whatever THEY'RE into. BUT FEAR NOT! It could be worse! YOU could be rolling around in a pillar-of-SALT ISUZU! OR GEO TRACKER! As long as you follow THE BOOK and flush your radiator of sins, you will travel FAR! You FOLLOW these instructions, child! I am lenient, and so is the Lord, but just because there's CONFESSIONAL BOOTHS BACK THERE, and the Catholic Church has a reputation for steadfast forgiveness, does not mean you can make up your OWN maintenance schedule! (in a brain-damaged voice) DURR, I'M A PROTESTANT! (while scribbling with marker on a Bible) AHAHAHA-IT'S A COLOURING BOOK NOW!