2002 Toyota Echo

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2002 Toyota Echo
RCR Toyota Echo Thumb.png
Car Details
Make Toyota
Model Echo
Year 2002
Owner Mr. Regular
Episode Details
Episode Link Watch
Season The Early Years
Air Date January 15, 2012
Transcript
Credits /u/Adamthegeek

A regular car review for a 2002 Toyota Echo. A calm and rational review of all the specifications of this car. 40mpg easy. 1.5L 4cyl. approx 108 bhp. Plenty of room in the trunk for three kegs of Holy Water. When they sleep. When they sleep. When they sleep. They don't sleep. It has room for 5 adults, but the back seat is rather cramped. Performance is better with the 5-speed than with the 4-speed automatic.

The 2002 Toyota Echo was Mr. Regular's trusty personal car and star of the first episode of Regular Car Reviews. In early 2014, while driving in the snow, the Echo spun and crashed.[1] Following this, alongside much coverage on Jalopnik[2][3], fans of Regular Car Reviews fund-raised over $5,000 on a GoFundMe page to get him a new car, and using this money, he bought Silicone Sally.

Transcript[edit]

Mr. Regular's 2002 Toyota Echo, crashed.
*buuurp* aw *burp* aw...

---

INTRO SONG, 'Dead or Alive', The Slackers
It’s all the same,
Only the names are changed...

---

MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR

So you get into the car, and first thing you notice is that everything is thin about this; the door is thin, the sills are thin, everything.. Then you get in and you can’t find the.. Whe- where do I look for the speed? Oh there it is over there righ- *BUUuuUURP*ohthere it is...

Down below, you have your gas pedal, and everything is, look how tiny those things are! The clutch is really.. light you really push it in there’s nothin to reall- *sounds*

You know what ya don’t get on this car? Intermittent windshield wipe- you don’t get ‘em at all. You get ‘em on the Corolla, you get ‘em on the RAV4 and guess what? Everything that controls the intermittent windshield wipers, is not controlled by the car’s computer, and it’s not inside, under the hood or anything, it’s inside the the wiper, module, you can take that entire thing off, and inside is the stuf- whole thing comes off, you can get one from a RAV4, plop it on there, and guess what you’ll have intermittent windshield wipers. SO, why can’t we just have, intermittent windshield wipers in the Echo, huh Toyota? Why? Wh- why did you have to just not give us, when you can just take one stalk from one car, stick it on this, you could all you have *trailing off*

I have to fart. Here it is. *wet fart*

Here’s how the vents work. There are little circle things that you pull around, and then they have this lil’ rubber seal that goes around the outside there, you just put that up and that, closes it, none of that fancy little switch that goes from left to right. You just put it up, put it down.

Main-Travelled Roads? MAIN-TRAVELLED LOADS.

Knobs? Knobs everywhere. No buttons, just kno-

*pant* You’re the driver, you wanna check your face? There ya go. That’s all you get. And as for the passenger? Get BENT. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yea *trailing off*

Reach underneath the emblem, find your G-spot, ‘n up she cums.

Background: Blaa... blaa... blaa... blaa... *descending*

It’s a 1.5 liter engine, which means it’s really 1.4 and some wretched fraction. *inhale* Ehhh you got plast- you got plastic intakes, and steel headers, and some aluminum things there, and a big battery that’s way too big for the car which means it lasts for a long time. What else, it makes a hundred and change horsepower, I guess 108, and after the transmission takes it’s angel’s share, you’re at, you’re one and up with maybe like 8 or 9 89 or 90 gettin’ to the front wheels. Yeah the engine, they’ve been makin’ it since the Tercel days, and it’s pretty bulletproof-

Oh, I hate that word, Jay Leno says it all *trailing off*

Any kinks that were in it have long since been ironed out. Get into 5th gear by 40 mph, and you’ll get your 40 mpg, easy outta this thing. It is 4 valves per cylinder and it is- wait is it? Maybe it’s only two. I don’t know. But it is dual overhead cam so it likes to rev.

You wanna go for a ride? Alrrrehhhhgo for a ride.

Where are my keys. WHERE MY KEYS? Oh they’re in my coat, why are they in my coat, who puts their keys in a coat?

Key. Clutchhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

If you drive the automatic version of this car, go to hell.

TURN IT ON I hate you.

They don’t even give ya a tach, you have to put in your own. Shift.. Right, here we go. You’re gonna hear the wind, you’re gonna hear everything, there’s not much insulation inside this car, everythin- If anything in this car is devoted to weight, they don’t have it. This is maybe one of the last really light cars you can buy, even after the whole rollover protection and the ugly giant A pillar, it is still a light car. As such, the wind is gonna make you it’s bitch. You can used to that speedo bein’ way over there. Believe it or not, it’s easier to look at your speed over there, because you can have your hand right on top, of the steering wheel, and it doesn’t block, anything.

Ashtray? Cigarette lighter? Tires? Really thin. About as wide as that little concrete strip between the street and the sidewalk. How does it rev? Like this: *revs* That was first gear.

*UNNGGGH* Here’s how to clean it because no single dealership with their shark smiles can do it properly. First reach back in the center console and take that out. Then, whip this little thing out right there. Then, you’re gonna get a 10mm socket because every single bolt on a Japanese car is 10mm. Every single bolt on a Japanese motorcycle is 10mm. 10mm 10mm 10mm. Then you stick it in and ya turn. Then you turn it with your hands. *background* “ an’t believe I have to tell you this...”

Oh bu- what’s this? It doesn’t come out. Then you pull it up and then you try to pull it up but you can’t pull it up because the gear knob is in the way. Yeah these things come off, all of ‘em come off you just turn and ya turn and ya turn and ya turn…Then you wiggle it up but then you have to remember that you have to pull the e-brake up and then it comes out all the way. It just pops out in the front, there’s no bolts in the front. It’s just those plastic pushy things. I have no idea what those things are. Then while you’re in here why don’t you just screw around, get some oil. Then you squirt it in here, you squirt it in there, you squirt it, you know wherever metal touches metal.

And then you come inside with your dirty piece of plastic, and you put it in the sink. Then ya turn the water on, you watch the water. Oh and then ya clean it, then you get it so clean you get it SO clean ohh you get it CLEAN you clean the *whoop* little *whoop* little *moo* things that your cups go into, what are they called? cupholders? anusholders. anusholders. praise jesus. oh yeah clean the back of it. clean the back of it like a humpback *whale sound* And you’re done. Installation is the reverse of everything else.

Oh I have to fart again *wet fart* ooh.

References[edit]

  1. Eulogy for Regular Car Reviews' Toyota Echo
  2. https://jalopnik.com/regular-car-reviews-future-uncertain-after-toyota-echo-1516517868
  3. https://oppositelock.kinja.com/regular-car-reviews-eulogizes-his-echo-1516479792