2000 Honda S2000
|Season||The Boulder Roadtrip|
|Air Date||November 17, 2014|
The Honda S2000 is the Final Fantasy 6 of cars. The S2000 is the car you are to like if you want to be cool. Braggers like the S2000 because all the power lies at the top end where they never have to reach and face-facts. This car isn't as fast or powerful as everyone says it is.
This is a Honda S2000 from the year 2000. This is from a year that was still technically the 90's but in name only, because only in the 2000's were we, as a society, still willing to put up with smash mouth, and 9th grade girls who are turning in their portfolio for art class, and it's filled with nothing but Sephiroth fan art. ----- INTRO SONG by THE ROMAN It's a new review of a Honda, It's an S2K, and we did one, like a year ago, maybe longer, but this ones different though. ----- MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR The S2000 suffers from the same violent and confrontation prone congregation as the Suzuki Hayabusa. VENT. I WEAR COUNTERFEIT JORDANS! BUY REPLACEMENT HAT BRIM STICKERS OFF EBAY WHICH ARRIVE VIA DHL! ALL OF MY 360 CONTROLLERS ARE RAGE BROKEN! I DRIVE A HONDA S2000 AND I'M BRINGING A GUN TO A CAR MEET! Listen, we did this car before but all I did in the old review WAS TALK IN THIS SPOILED BRAT VOICE without explaining why spoiled brats love S2Ks. Spoiled brats, and some breeds of hipster, love having... potential. They love having potential. Potential. Remember that word. The S2000 is full of potential. It is the basis for a killer track car, or a drag car, or a drift car, whatever you want to build, the S2000 is great. Potential. When you drive an S2000 like a normal car, it feels like a base model civic only slower. If you short shift an S2000, this roadster becomes an old dog. A Miata will pull better than an S2K. But this is okay, this is good, this is good, because the S2000 has potential. You don't mind that everything is flaccid down there in the ones and twos because of the potential that lies up at the eight and nine. "Oh, oh you don't want to rev me, oh you don't- you don't want me to rev this thing up to 9, no y-you you want you y-you want to find out what happens if I do that? oh y-you don't want to find out what happens when I rev this thing up to nine. No. No. No. Hey, I'm not gonn- I can't fight you, no no no, I mean if you fight me, my hands are registered as weapons. Yeah I could fight you but then I'd go to jail, I-I-If I touch you I'd go to jail, my hands are registered as weapons." Potential. Boasters and boys with weak self images love to have potential because potential is a value that never has to be proven. Oh you have the potential to be a rally driver, you know you have the potential to be a great musician, you have the potential to get great grades. Potential is great because you can play Minecraft all day and never have to cash it in. You wont cash it in, you wont cash your potential in. I mean what happened if you posted up next to a stock mustang GT and revved up to nine thousand and cashed in all of that potential energy for kinetic energy only to find even on a twisty road, you're losing to a dad's car. What is potential? Potential is wasted energy. Potential... is wasted energy. That's what my band director said in real life. He said it to us in the catacombs of Giants Stadium in 1996 before all chapter championships. Potential is wasted energy. I wan't to see what you're capable of. I don't want to think what you left behind, and the Honda S2000 is a car for resting on your Abercrombie jeans and forging your parents signature on a bad report card which has the comments "does not work up to ability." As long as all the power lies hidden in the top ten percent of the rev range, the S2000 can hide from criticism behind a wall built by message board white knights. I know I'm being unkind to the S2000, so lets bring it back just a little bit. Designated the S2000, due to its 2.0 liter engine displacement, production of this front-mid engine, rear wheel drive, "salute to the middle class taxes" ended in 2009. The quick and dirty: this particular model sports a naturally aspirated inline four, dual overhead cam VTEC engine making about 237 to 247 horsepower. Its got a six-speed manual Torsen limited slip differential, sixteen inch brisdo-brdig-brdige-brdige-brge-brge-brg poten- s20 tires and the front dunlop zs something and stock suspension, there's a six thousand dollar different between NA, DA, and Kelly Blue Book value on this particular model, remember that Freddie Prince Junior used to be a movie star, look it up. LOOK AT THIS. And yet it's hard to fault the real capabilities of this car, there aren't many cars in this class that offer the value of an S2000. Sure, it might try a little too hard to give off a luxury aesthetic with all the- nyeh-everything's crammed over into the driver and hiding the radio and everything like that but it's more than a respectable under the hood. In fact, the Honda S2000 is subtly effective in nearly everything it does. The owner finds it handles better with stock suspension. As it stands now, modding culture is its own controversy for purists, inspiring more rage than getting caught putting ketchup on your hot dog in Chicago. But with an S2000, you'll never have a bad time driving one. I'm ripping on the Honda S2000 for the same reason that I tore the E30 a new a-hole because it's a car you're SUPPOSED to like, we're all supposed to LIKE this thing. This is the final fantasy SIX of cars, it's the one everybody's supposed to faun over. But I'll give the S2K this, it serves a very useful purpose. The S2000 is the last two-seat sports car you buy BEFORE YOU BUY A C6. Ha! ----- OUTRO SONG by THE ROMAN I want a Honda S2000, And high def pron for browsin', And a girlfriend who knows the grapefruit technique. This real goatee, the official car of day one DLC, Is like super (?), It's just out of reach, It's out of reach, it's, Out of reach, it's, Out of reach, it's, Out of reach, Like a perfect beach. And there's potential up in this Honda, Though its flaccid in the ones and twos, The official car of hidden power, And tribal tattoos, Oh I cant own an S2000, 'Cuz my girlfriend will not understand, Just kidding, you guys, I am single, Check out this potential I have, I test patience like final exams. -----