1997 Saturn SC2

From RegularWiki
Jump to: navigation, search
1997 Saturn SC2
RCR Saturn SC2 Thumb.jpg
Car Details
Make Saturn
Model SC2
Year 1997
Owner Benny "D_Low" Strode
Episode Details
Episode Link Watch
Season The In-Between Days
Air Date January 18, 2016
Transcript
Credits Nathan C

More 90's than a "Faces of Death" VHS tape.

Transcript[edit]

"[MR.REGULAR]
1997 Saturn Coupe SC2 Twin-cam.
As '90s as a ''Faces of Death'' VHS tape.
---
[INTRO SONG BY THE ROMAN]
A Saturn Coupe!
As '90s as Kid Pix!
A Saturn Coupe!
---
[MR.REGULAR]
Why is '90s GM so bad, yet, I only have happy memories of it? Maybe its the same reason "Mambo No. 5" still sounds good, because it reminds me of driving to glow bowling in Saturns like these. This front-wheel-drive five-speed manual has a 1.9-liter four-cylinder engine. At the time we filmed this, Kenny, the owner had owned this Saturn for about five months. And he kept it pretty much stock! Except for the subwoofers in the back, the USB port in the cigarette lighter, and the LED lights everywhere. And a DVD head unit because why not?

Now, Kenny had a Volkswagen Fox before this and he considers the SC2 a real upgrade. The 1.9 single cam and the 1.9 double cam were the only options for this series, but there were a variety of body styles to map into the run-of-the-mill drivetrain. This particular model is the SC, which stands for Saturn Coupe, but there was also the bulkier Saturn Wagon, and the Saturn Luxury. Which was attractive in that Melissa-Joan-Hart-in-the-'90s kind of way.

Kenny's coupe--ALLITERATION MAKES ME SO WET--is the 16-valve twin cam and it comes with almost every option except the automatic sunroof, moonroof, and the key fob with the trunk popper. 

I might have to run in 2016...

[Echoing voice while singing goes on the background]
MAKING AMERICA LATE AGAIN. AS IN PREGNANT! WE'RE MAKING AMERICA PREGNANT! [DEEP VOICE] NO RUBBERS!

Kenny's originally had leather seats, but the leather was cracked and reeked of cigars so he replaced it with the cloth seats from a '98. [Singing in the background] Although the '97-2000 seats were all the same.[Singing stops] Ha-ha #feelingbugatti. SC2, as '90s as Lillith Fair and updates from Kurt Loder about Lillith Fair.

[burps] History-ah lesson

[singing in the background] Roger Smith was an accounting clerk [Singing stops] who became CEO of General Motors, and went on to be voted one of the worst CEOs of all time by CNBC. Why? [singing in the background] Well, it wasn't because he launched Saturn, so much as Saturn became a [singing stops] carbon copy of the Japanese auto manufacturers. In order, in his mind, to compete with Toyota and the growing prominence of the Japanese domestic market, he intended for Saturn to be autonomous from General Motors. And it was, which sounded like [singing in the background] a good plan in 1982, but the Saturn brand didn't launch until '85, and then the first Saturn car didn't even roll off the line until '90. [singing stops]

Just in time for the early '90s recession! Now, people love Saturns, and the first generation S-series, ah the wedgy kinda spaceship-lookin' thing. Love it! And they did sell well at first, and they were very endearing to the owners, but they just weren't popular enough on a national scale to [Singing in the background] compete with the successful Japanese brands Smith wanted to take down. [singing stops] Saturn's sheer excellence called to mind everything it wasn't--namely, being a Toyota.

Over time and with infighting, it became harder and harder to justify General Motor's investments, and Saturn cut deeply into their quarterly sales figures.  The brand wasn't autonomous enough from General Motors to prevent the parent brand from suffering, and investors thought the money being poured into Saturn would've been better invested in existing General Motors brands and plants. In short, the whole thing blew up in Smith's face. So what Saturn became, and especially the SC2, it became a perfectly...nice...car, for perfectly...nice...guys. This is the official car of, "Where's my hug?"

One time in middle school I wrapped toilet paper around my finger and tried to shove it up my ass, while I was in the bathroom alone. But uh, I-I was scared and my sphincter wouldn't open so I flushed the toilet paper, which wasn't even brown and I went back to Skills for Adolescents class.

Saturn SC2! This other time I went for a walk in the woods and JERKED OFF.

Saturn SC2! SC2, SC2, SC2, SC2, SC2!

[Footage of Mr.Regular in a room.]
"I'm trying to suck my own dick!"

[Words roll across the top of the footage]
Yeah, backed uh, back yard Donkey Prime registration line drop a dime on the back nine reg word headliner nightlife all-night waffle-light diner shitshow lowblow get in the back seat and listen to the Judge's tape and me back my BAND SHOES!

Saturn '90s going down the '90s hole!

[Words roll across the top of the footage]
Drop my bass drum mallet and show me your hat box cadence cadence cadence cadence are we going to play a sloppy gearshift song? Where is reverse? Where's my flip-folder?

[Words roll across the bottom of the footage]
Rock on my back and put it in a DCI tape and go farther BROWN. This is how it's done! Leak my valve covers and sunk the dam on my conplay-cosplay COMPANY FRONT.

Oh one guy's out of step!

¿Dónde Está El- [Yelling] FOUR DOLLA TUBA?

[Words roll across the bottom of the footage]
Slush fund Joe Corby Pizza and show up for the Hamboat bake sale, Janet Reno.

Saturn SC2, this is a second-generation no pop-up headlights-BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. Plastic intake manifolds that cracks when it gets older! Boulder toilets stay in the toy shoulder!

This is a GM Z-platform which stands for-[Deep voice] I mail a single pubic hair along with my monthly health insurance bill just so accounts receivable knows that at least on a subconscious level: I AM.

---
[OUTRO SONG BY THE ROMAN]
Roger Smith works at GM!
At GM has had!
Roger Smith worked at GM!
At GM, no more Saturn!

References[edit]