1995 Mazda Miata MX-5
|Season||The Early Years|
|Air Date||September 29, 2013|
Regular Car Reviews' most watched video and the one that kickstarted the channel's growth.
[Track Bro Voice] Track Day, bro! Yo! Track Day, bro! [TEXT: My good longtime companion, would participation in a spirited day of gentlemanly auto racing in a controlled environment be of interest to you this fine morning?] Bro, going to Track Day? Let's go to the Track Day, bro! Five sets of tires, bro! Yokohama, bro! Suma[?] Toyo, Nitto, Hoosier, bro! Hoosiers! Got some Hoosiers for the Track Day, bro! Bro, you coming, bro? Cones! Gonna tear it up! Left foot braking, bro! Track Day, bro! Come and get a roll bar, bro! Let's, a- [/Track Bro Voice] Let's kiss. --- INTRO SONG: "Desperately Wanting" by Better Than Ezra --- MONOLOGUE by MR. REGULAR 1995 Mazda Miata. The mid 1990's was a very special time for Mazda because the Miata had no natural two-seat predators. Sure, there was the Pontiac Fiero and [the] MR2 SW-20, but those were for beaked-out mid-engine adrenaline junkies who wanted to chug Jolt cola and stare down the Grim Reaper on every rainy interstate off-ramp. The Miata, on the other hand, was for people who wanted to live long enough to eat another pair of Burger Buddies. Oooh-hoo-hoo! Huh-huh. Heh. Headlights go up! Heh-eh. Headlights go down! Mmm-hmm. Headlights go up! Mmm! Headlights go down! Headlights go up! Headlights go down! Again-again-again-again-again! Headlights go up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Down! Up! Down! Up-down-up-down-up-down-up-down-up-down-! By 1995, you could have a 1.8 liter Straight-4 which gave you all the power in the mid-range and that made the Miata useable as a daily driver. In fact, that was the brilliance of the car. It was a machine for people who wanted a driver's car, but who could only afford ONE car. This would be YOUR car that you would have to drive every day. And it worked! You COULD own a Miata as your only vehicle. Did you know one of the Miata's early designs was FRONT-wheel drive? Yeah, there was also a mid-engine rear-wheel drive. And it took years for them to convince, "No, you have to have it FRONT-engined REAR-wheel drive." And did you know that the Miata is also the only sports car that works on girls? Yep. No, yeah. Nice guys, listen up. Put that fedora back on the rack at Turkey Hill, put your Genesis collection up on eBay, and start saving your laundry quarters for a Miata. Here's how it works: All other two-seat sports cars are aggressive -- hard lines and balled-up fisted fender flares and razor-wire turn signals and mean-drunk taillights. Of course, all the headlights are frowning! But the Miata has soft edges. Its eyes are big and innocent. Its engine doesn't humblebrag. Its door sills are low, creating a feeling of openness. This is a park bench, not a prison! You see, us guys think that this [CAR WITH A PERFORMANCE EXHAUST REVVING], this [CAR DOING DONUTS], and this [MOTORCYCLE DOING A STOPPIE] creates girl-boners. And it does, but only for chicks who hate their dads. Miatas are NON-threatening, and that's where all of the undeserving gay jokes come from. [SEXUAL MOANING OVER BLACK] [TEXT: Bad Dragon] This Miata has a limited-slip differential. Now, that was an option in '95 and you can tell who doesn't have one by all the peg-leg burnouts. See, this naturally aspirated engine is happy to tach up and down all day long AND it lasts for hundreds of thousands of miles. Everybody has to do SOMETHING to their Miata because there's so many of them, so here's whats different about this one: The seats are out of a newer Miata because they have headrests that are built right into the backs. This mirror up here is off of a Ford something; it's off of a domestic car because the only light you originally got within the Miata is way over here on the passenger side. The headlights inside the pop-up headlights are different; they're a newer design, not the old sealed beams. Hey, AUX jack! And it also has the optional air conditioning and power steering. The roof goes down in 1... 2... oh, it's down. AND this car has some tall-people mods, which is a visor delete, some foam cut out of the driver's seat, and it has pull-straps here on the door instead of the original armrests. That's to keep your knees from hitting the sides of the armrests, so pull-straps will do. Miatas are balanced, quick turning, mechanically simple, and 50-50 weight distribution. Yes, I know it doesn't make a whole lot of power -- somewhere in the low 100s -- but nevertheless, it's always at the top of every sports car shootout. I mean, who can fault you for owning a Miata? Everyone is happy to see a Miata. I mean, look at it! It's the best! It's the best! It's Number One. It's Number One. It's always Number One. It's the best! It's the best sports car! It's the gleaming gold standard against all which all small sports cars must be measured. Mazda made so many of them that the prices stay low so anyone can own one. And they're the best! They're the best! They're Number One! You drive a Miata because you want the best and you DESERVE the best! Only the best will do! [GROWING INCREASINGLY AGITATED] Wooh, we- we're the best! It's the best sports car! You root for the Yankees! You love the 'Boys! Number One! Y-you get Sam Adams! That's the best beer! That's the best beer! I have the best car! You put on "Dark Side" at every party. But I mean, really? Who's going to complain about Floyd? You make posts commemorating firefighters. I mean, who would DARE downvote that?! Baby photos! Baby photos! Lots of baby photos! Dallas Cowboys! Volunteer firefighters! New York Yankees! BABY PHOTOS!!! Classic rock! Mazda Miata! "My heart goes out to the victims of RRRRRGGGHGHGHGHGHG!!!" THE BEST!!! [SOUND OF THE SCRIPT BEING THROWN ACROSS THE ROOM.] --- [CRICKETS CHIRP AS A MIATA DRIVES OFF IN THE NIGHT]