1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee

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1994 Jeep Grand Cherokee
RCR Jeep Grand Cherokee Thumb.png
Car Details
Make Jeep
Model Grand Cherokee
Year 1994
Owner ZeroVersionTwo (YouTube)
Episode Details
Episode Link Watch
Season The Early Years
Air Date September 11, 2013
Transcript
Credits Giacomo

We're going to visit Daddy today! His apartment building is nice. There are little sculpted bushes outside. I put my Hot Wheels on a fun ride though a little box before I go though the second door of his apartment building. Then we go to his living room. All his friends dress the same. They are so funny. Dad says he is coming home soon. He talks about his four friends who will give him a ride home. They are all named Goldberg! Sometimes one of the Goldbergs is there. He wears a tie and carries a business case.

Then, Daddy has to go to gym class. He said it is for grown-ups. Mom tells us it is time go and we get back into our Jeep and bounce home. She says Daddy will be able to play again soon. Mom says when Dad is done with grown-up-sleep-away school, we're all going to Dorney Park & Wildwater Kingdom! YAY

Big thanks to ZeroVersionTwo for supplying this Jeep Grand Cherokee for us to review. Check out his YouTube page here: http://www.youtube.com/user/ZeroVersionTwo

Transcript[edit]

Jeep Grand Cherokee. The official car of alimony payments and "Now That's What I Call Music!".

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INTRO SONG: "Radio Song" by R.E.M.

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MONOLOGUE by MR REGULAR

Chrysler didn't come up with this one. Nope. American Motor Company, the Yankee version of British Leyland, was AutoCAD-ing the Grand Cherokee in the late 1980's and holding its sunken chest while its Hornet heart weakly tried to soldier on.

Iacocca was there standing bedside with a will, a pen and a pillow. Lee Iacocca promises AMC that- "Look, if you just sign right here, I promise you that all of your unborn children will live on...as ''Eagles''." But hey, Lee Iacocca was true to his word! He delivered AMC's final design up a flight of stairs in Detroit and through a pane of Hollywood prop glass.

But, does this car, this ''car'', does this car deserve the Jeep name? Jeep Grand Cherokee, the official car for wannabe nomads and hippies in Shasta, CA selling bootleg Acoustic Alchemy tapes. Now, the Grand Cherokee was priced to compete with the Ford Explorer and Chevy Blazer. The Explorer at the time was body-on-frame and the Grand Cherokee... is unibody. What does that mean? Well, if I drink five Surges and decide my backyard is now ''Ivan's Off Road'' and bump into a young tree at 30 miles an hour, well, that's the end of my Cherokee. It's totaled. A Wrangler will bounce right off a little tree, and an old Ford Bronco won't even notice. And yet, this simulated off-road machine sold, and sold really well!

Oh, get out, it has a metal fan! They were doing gold wheels way before Subaru. It had all kinds of amenities, the electric seats for both passenger and driver! For-real low setting and locking diffs, maybe? Mmmh... And the back seats fold down, but you have to flip stuff and cram stuff and move the front seat mmmh... And you got a full-size spare that sat inside the car, so it didn't get all dry rotted and gross. And you got a computer that gave "information." But don't get all moist, this is OBD-I.

This isn't a Chrysler-designed engine either. AMC built this back in 1987. It's a 190-horsepower straight six. The only thing on it that is Chrysler's the fuel injection system. It wasn't the only engine option either, you could have a four-banger Diesel, but good luck finding that stateside. And then there were two V8 options: you could have a 5.2-liter, which made 230 horsepower, or you could have a 5.9-liter, which also made 230 horsepower!

The tagline was amazing: go anywhere, do anything! Yes, you can do anything. Sell ecstasy at DragonCon! Walk around Boston on first night and hand out bags of oregano! Take the ferry to Martha's Vineyard and get blasted on LandShark and wreck a 50cc Honda Ruckus! Jerk off all over the inside of your roommate's Economics textbook the night before book buyback day! Go to Guitar Center with a ketchup bottle full of week-old piss and fill up a bass drum through the breather hole! Eat a whole bunch of Beefaroni and dried plums, so you can spray diarrhea up and down Wildwater Kingdom!

Jeep Grand Cherokee, the official car for visiting Daddy at the minimum security correctional facility. Look at it this way: if this AMC-designed unibody "streetcar" didn't say Jeep on the hood, no one would have bought it.

OUTRO by MR REGULAR (in an unclear, MEAT-like voice while a small Casio creates a tinny metronome beat)

RegularCars@gmail.com, Skype RegularCars, Facebook Regular Car Reviews.

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